arm-channel

arm channel 真的很重要。这是一种自然现象，不能刻意去更改，要不然只会反效果。

曾经有位女士说过，因为她说话的tone调和身边人不同，所以她在新的环境下没什么朋友。当时我并不完全赞同她的说法。我觉得只是她自我封闭，不愿与人沟通。她只是把自己的网络设置调了limited。这并不是个人不能控制的事情。

一年后

我了解了。那位女士的已调整了她的设置。limited to open。反而我却从open to limited。 可能是我从来都没open过，之前的都是错觉。

在六月的開始，我以為我有了人生的改變。 我竟然約了心儀對象去了tiger translate music event。 就單獨約會。而且，我還表明了我的心意。接下來的故事，也就是我夢寐以求的xD。

每天在公司都會不知覺的聊著聊著到放工。回到家，我們每天都message到午夜才睡。聊著聊著，很多生活瑣碎事都成了話題。當中，我們還相約了到時一起看部愛情片。她是個充滿正能量的女孩。無時無刻都笑臉迎人的射手女。而我，卻是個缺乏自信，極致負能量，愁眉苦臉自我的獅子男。

在對話中，她都會有意無意的鼓勵柔弱的我。可是，愛面子的獅子男，就是不想給別人看見自己的負面。哎。。。。我是否該繼續接受她的鼓勵呢？

才在她飛泰國前兩天，我還特地陪她到paradigm last minute shopping，買她的短裙。這還是第一次陪女生shopping，還在試衣房前等她，給意見。有時，來往得太頻密，反而更讓自己更卻步。那，我還該往前踏出第二步嗎？

care and lose

the more you care, the more you lose.

recently, i care too much of what people's minds thinking. i feel doubtful when a person is being friendly. "is he/she being friendly is just trying to get attention from someone" "how fake is he doing that kind of move to flirt a girl colleague""her laugh is so horribly fake""she laugh out loud is just to get into the crowd"........all these come to my mind, everyday.

the more i care about what a true friend should behave, the more friendships that i had lose. the more i care about a girl who i find great to talking to, the more i feel like to being a part from her.

well, well, boy....this is my 24th. what will i be when i'm 30th? let's see my boy. cheers!!

p/s: i should move on.

from love to hate

It's been a while.

I started to analyse myself. For the past two months, i been spending most of the time with myself. Going lunch alone, having tea break by myself, not joining for any after work activities, not going yam cha with the gang. Alone can be good, if you didn't feel any lonesome. But sadly, i felt its like i had left behind from the world. People keep asking me why u wanna be solo for doing things, i just answer them that i really enjoy these moment. But in fact, i'm not.

I really need someone. Someone who can talk and share idea together, who really can give me the feeling of freedom when hang around. However, and now i knew, there is only one guy can do that, which means he is the real and only best friend of mine. Thanks Vic for being my guide when i'm lost. But i know, i can't had him for the whole time. I'm not gay and you had to let your friend has his own life.

I used to has a thought of delete the FB acc just because i always felt jealous when reading people's post with lots of comments and likes. it's different with mine, i jealous, really. I know i'm naive with this kind of thought. But now a days, i really easy to get jealous on people laugh and talks.

I started to hate the one i like, the one that i had a crush on. Because she can life better than me, hopefully she is. Well, i can't said she is, because she's not showing her real feeling in front of me, at least.

Hmmmmmm..........seems like the first half of 2014 is not going too well for me.

Don't know why...

This is my first post after the new year. A brand new 2014 should be a great start for everyone. We should throw a way the unhappiness of the past and welcome the bright future days.

it's easy to talk, but for my it's hard to forget the past days. I thought i can forget about her. but i'm not.

Last week, i been went to Myanmar with family. i thought it can be a great way to push aside all the complicated things aside. Yeah it does. I really enjoy the moment over there. It's relaxing when u sitting in the temple under the shade. Feel the breeze blow over ur skin. Listening the sound of the gong. Looking at the flocks of pigeons and crows. i almost forget everything over M'sia.

Time flies. The 8 days break had gone just like a blink. i had to face back the truth and sit back beside her. Actually, i'm not saying i dun like to sit with her. i just felt so sophisticated to face her. Even i'm not dare to give her the souvenir from Myanmar. What an i doing? hahaha...... things could be quite fine if we keep silent for the day. But once she started a conversation, my heart is started to pumping, and my whole day will mess up. What a silly me.

Well, finally my company is decided to switch all the workers' seat. And she's move to seat far away from mine. Will that a good decision to let me forget about things on her? I don't know. All i can do is wish her happy with the new seat which she can sit with her best friend, San, in the studio. And i hope i got a new start too. Isn't its great to have a pretty new colleague to sit beside me? XD i wished.

P.s. : i had a stupid idea of tattoo her initial on my arm. DAMN ME!!!


after all, let's enjoy this nice song from Jones ;)

two important friends in 2013

the first day of the last month. it's time to pack all the memories of this year. actually, this year seems like nothing much happen in my life. but it's do change a lot of my mind. started to know how important to meet and stay contact friends. And how important of a Facebook friend.

People do said the friendship in FB is just virtual. Things u see in FB is not the real. But, if u see a real friend who suddenly unfriend u, then now FB is telling the truth, this friendship is meeting some problem. This really bother me for some time. no matter what, she had introduce one of my interested handy craft thing to me, needle felt.

Besides this, been acting like the shadow of the White Kelisa for months, and i had really opened up my mind. Looking at she, talking with her, reading her blog......i can see a life of a woman. Her life iis not consider a perfect, or even good. Her mindset and attitude are kinda quirky and sometimes make me hate her, too. However, by seeing her behaviour, i know what i should do in my coming life. Maybe this is the thing i never do on the other people, that's why i can't see life. i can see her life like a story book, because i leave my life clean like a plain water? 

Oh well, that's good to has a person who can inspire u to do things hat u never do before. am appreciate much that meeting her in my life time and seeing her everyday, although without any conversation. 

thanks Gil for the needle felt

and thanks the White Kelisa for teaching me the meaning of life.

what a messed up mind

it's been long time not writing a letter, with pen on paper. And i think this is the first time i'm sending a real writing letter to a friend. don't curious, when i started to know how to write a letter, it's already is a e-world. not much chances for me to send a paper letter. well, this will be my first pos laju record, too. am feeling a little bit of excited.

However, i really confuse on what's the point of doing this stuff. am i chasing the girl, LM2? am i really just treat her like a normal girl friend? then how about the feeling on the kelisa? maybe i just thinking too much and messed up my mind. Well, should just keep it simple. i need life, i need friends...............in gender of girl.

i should stop all this nonsense and tidy up the mind before the brand new year coming. it's just two more months to go.....

shadow of a shadow

影子。它永远都是活在别人的生活里。不管那人好，坏。它都只有跟从，永远摆脱不掉。

可是可悲的是，有一个人不知不觉的竟成了某影子的影子。他，只有跟从影子，也摆脱不掉影子的主人。他只有活在别人的影子里。永远就被别人拖着走，无法活出自己。